Dear friend,
Hope you are having a good day. Things here are ok but could be better. Im missing my kids and grandkids and struggling to understand why things dont go how i think they should. I have 4 kids the first 2 born in 1987 and 1988 they are 361 days apart . Sorta like having twins. I was 19 and 20 when they were born. And my husband and I were newly weds when we found out I was pregnant with the first. The second child was born 4 days before the first birthday of the first child.The second child was born very sick and nearly died . The army hospital in Berlin where she was born called in the chaplin to comfort us. While friends kept baby #1. It had been a hard labor 2 days on pitosin. I could barely stand up to get in the wheelchair to go to the nursery to say goodbye. They were taking our baby girl to a german hospital . her lungs were not completely formed. They thought she was going to die. My husband went with her and stayed with her till she was out of the woods. They have allways had a special bond. It would be 2 weeks before we could even touch her , let alone hold her. we werent allowed to stay at the hospital . we had to take a military taxi ti the hospital and only stay with her for short periods of time. Im pretty sure those were the worst days of our lives.However She grew stronger every day and eventually we got to take our sweet girl home to meet her big brother... Which is a whole story all by itself. But for todays story I wont go there. Needless to say those two became best friends , partners in crime a united front and a force to be reconed with. And so it went , life and raising 2 kids in amilitary life style. moving around starting school all the things kids do.
Then in 1995 nine years after baby # 1 and 8 years after baby #2 im not feeling well and we are supposed to go on a trip to Italy. We missed that trip but decided to go camping in Bavaria. It was the most amazing trip but when we got home I still felt sick and more run down than ever. So im telling my friend how I feel and she says you are not sick you are pregnant... Im like no possible way.. and her , having recently having a baby says take a test and prove it.So my husband goes to get a home pregnancy test, because well they make such things. I take the test and yep Im pregnant. We actually have the whole thing on video. The older kids were thrilled My husband was over the moon. me not so much. I was just about in the clear. Kids in school full time basicly self sufficient. I was not pleased to be starting over. I was once again in a foreign country. no family or close friends to help. With the first 2 I was alone with the exception of one close friend. Raising kids is hard work. Its 24 hours a day. And its very hard when your husband is gone 7 months out of the year. Shortly after I found out we were having another child my husband found out he would be deployed to Bosnia for a year. So was our neighbors husband,the one who knew I was pregnant. I thought this could be ok we are pretty good friends. we can get through this together. Nope wrong again. She left too. went stateside and never came back. She had another baby a few months after me.All went well with the pregnancy . Baby #3 joined us in may of 1996. He was the sweetest baby. ate good slept good. smiled often and rarely ever cried. Until one day he cried alot and when I was changing his diaper I noticed a large bulge in his abdomin that was not there earlier. I ran the whole way to the army clinic with him in my arms, I didnt have a car. Turns out it was a hernia. But surgery was neccessary to correct it.
Well with baby #3 I guess you would say we were smarter and more relaxed not so stressed out . We had more money more time more patience and knew more about life and what was important.At the end of his first year we transitioned to civilian life, and returned to my husbands hometown. We live there for 11 years. Not a bad place but never a great place for us. Lots of job changes in the first years. Then came more money better job and sability. At this point you can imagine child 1 and child 2.are getting ready to graduate from high school and head off to college. When another life change happens . My husband lost his job. Child one in college child 2 in the summer between graduation and college. #3 getting ready for 5th grade. After many months of job searching we were running out of money and options. It seemed like the only choice was to move . so we did. but thats How we ended up here in 2006. Lots of things happened in the few years inbetween moving and what happened in 2008. My husband found a job we got back on our feet. all seemed to be going well. Then I started getting sick. I was sleeping alot and had pain in weird places and I was naseous all the time. I was 41 years old. pregnancy was not possible it had been 14 years.. So after lunch with the same friend who was positive I was pregnant with #3. We stopped at the store for a home pregnancy test. The test was of course positive. But once again I was not. See with #3 I developed gestational diabetes. And a year after he was born I was diagnosed with type 2. My age and illness were not favorabe. The first Dr. I saw was not very positive of either of our survival rates . So I found another Dr. who was. He said It would be rough and It was. He said c section and it was. I had to see lots of specialist to check for heart problems and birth defects. But in April of 2009 #4 came into our lives. Strong and healthy and probably the happiest baby Ive ever met. She spent her first week of life in the NICU. not because she was sick but just to see that she wasnt and didnt become sick. #2 was happiest of all she finally had a sister. She lived a few hours away but was here for the birth as were all of her siblings.It has been a very Exhausting and fulfilling life so far. # 3 just started college #4 just started kindergarten and #2 just got married #1 and his wife are expecting a child. And my husband just spent the last year and 2 months unemployed. But thankfully has started a new job. Life has a way of changing when you least expect it to,Im not sure we are ever ready for and sometimes we are just downright not in the mood for it . But we rise to meet the challenges of it .
I have allways thought the age gap was no big deal but recently im discovering that it might be . That It may be causing some pretty serious problems in our family. My age is older than most moms of kids in kindergarten. My 2nd child is raising her son at the same time as me and my 4th child. My 1st child is raising 3 kids of his wifes and has 4th on the way. The economy is bad and prices are high. Life is not easy right now for most of the world. And #3 is facing the world alone.I pray daily for all of them that there life is good that they love one another and live good lives. Above all I hope they know how much we love them all no matter when they came into our lives or when they leave it. They are all a gift from God for as long as he allows us to have them . and we are so greatful for every minute of it.
Thanks for allways being there to listen when I need to hear myself talk. till next time
Love , Me
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