Mama 2 Mama 3 You are not my childs mama.

Dear Friend,
               Today I was thinking about people who call them selves mamas 2 or 3. Those well meaning people who try to help my child. Who are perfect with them all the time . They allways say the right thing at the right time and are so comforting .They have the luxury of then walking away . They dont have to come home with my child and live with them. My child normally only shows you what they want you to see. And that is typically not the truth or at a minimum the whole truth.What they want is for you to tell them what they want to hear. But when you do that you may be undermineing my authority as the true parent.
               What you see is the kind gentel public child. Not the angry I didnt get my way child. You didnt give birth to them. You didnt walk the floor with them you never took care of them when they were sick. You did not read to them at bed time. You did not prepare special meals for them because they have a sensitive gag reflex. You didnt bake birthday cakes and blow up balloons or wrap christmas presents and keep the perfect gift secret for months. You didnt loose sleep when my child was out too late or dateing someone you knew would hurt  my daughter. You didnt battle with them over wearing clothes that were inappropriate for school or the weather or that sent the wrong message. You were not there when my child was diagnosed with seisurzes. You did not spend every waking moment searching for an alternative to a medication that would do more harm than good . You did not drive my child to every practice dr appointment and school function . I did.
           You tell my child its ok to be upset with me because I failed him or her in some way. But maybe you dont have the whole story. Maybe you dont know that My husband lost his job. That I have a serious illness and cant afford my medication. That we are facing some very hard choices. Maybe they didnt tell why we made the decision that we made after careful deliberation. Because we have been here since day one. WE know our child better than anyone. We love them and care for them and know better than anyone what is in the best interest of our family. Because we have all the details, that you may not have. WE know the good the bad the ugly and everything inbetween.
               We want you in our childs life to be certain. It takes a village to raise a child. advice is great. Love, a child can never have enough. But when you take my title you take my authority.You tell my child that im not who thay should go to when they are hurting or scared or lost. If you speak ill of me you are breeding disrespect. You are deviding my family.
                  Is my child in danger? Am I available? Can you call me? Do You even know me? Im not perfect ive made mistakes as a parent. Are you a parent ? Do you have children of your own? Im guessing if you have kids youve made mistakes too. You might be perfect , or you  might not have made mistakes. But if you have kids Im guessing you have made a few too. I think mistakes are ok if you learn from them and try to do better. If I made a mistake and my child does not tell me  how can I make it better. You may be able to adress the upfront issue you know about but not the deep issue only I can address.
            Reguardless of what my child has told you there will allways be something you or they dont know. But the one thing you need to know, Is God gave that child to me and I have to trust that He knew what He was doing . See God doesnt make mistakes. He has a purpose in everything He does. God knows the whole story. The beginning and the end. He wrote the story of my life and that of my child long before I was born. He loves me and my child. He gave me authority over my child. He intrusted them to me. He must have thought I could manage it. But Im also sure He put you in my childs life for a reason. To be there when I cannot. As friend, mentor, confidant teacher nurse doctor mate.But I am and will allways be my childs one and only MOM. Im not jelouse of you I dont want your life or what you mean to my child.And unless you are a danger to my child or hurting them in some way I will never deminish who or what you are to my child.God gave you the skills to be who you need to be and me the skills I need to be who I need to be. I am not allways right  and I have my share of failures. But they are mine. And God will judge me.
         If you are apart of my childs life as an authority figure or close friend. Put yourself in my shoes. Look closely at who my child is. Is he kind , generous , funny, loving,  smart. He did not get there alone. I walked him drove him sat with him disiplined him  yes even yelled at him and probably punnished him .I taught him things he needed to know, things he wanted to know and things that were important to me. He carrys a large part of me with him every where he goes. He may even have told you a joke I taught him. Or be making a face that I told him would freeze like that. As parents Its never a sure thing. We never know if what we are doing is going to be perfect . But im willing to bet that it was done out of love.. And if not love sometimes out of fear. Sometimes when parents are afraid they make not so perfect decisions. Sometime we make our kids mad. If you see that in my child its ok my parents made me mad sometimes they still do.I dont see eye to eye with my kids on alot of issues. Some of it moral some it of cultural some of it generational.But I do trust that I taught them some good stuff and I did some things right. That I raised them in the best way I know how. Im striving every day to do better to be a better person . To be a better mom. But I am not my childs friend I am their mom first last and allways.
         If  you are a person in my childs life he trusts. If you know him at all. Trust that if we are having a problem we are trying to solve it. Dont undermine us, our job is hard enough. Support our child , love him . listen to him. be a safe place for him , but dont take away from us . Dont take our authority  or our name or our place.You be the friend without tearing us down. If you have kids of your own think about the difficulties you have had and ask yourself if you would want me to tell your child your an idiote even if you were.Instead listen to what my child shares with you ask questions agree with how my child feels. His feeling have merrit, it must have been something  if he is upset. But think about who he is and who you know us to be because if you have been in my childs life for any lenght of time you probably know us and you know how much we love our kids , and if you havent been there then maybe you dont need to be despensing advice about us.Dont fuel the fire. Give us time to help our child. He knowes deep down what is right and what is wrong, because we taught him that from an early age.
                       I was thinking about all the well meaning people breaking car windows to save children from a hot car. I get it kids have died. Its not safe. and really there is no good excuse for it . But the condeming that goes on after. My guess is its a parent that is overwhelmed and has no support system in place. No village so to speak. Im not saying poor judgement is an excuse to act a fool but I think every one makes mistakes. I think tired overwhelmed and other wise good parents can sometimes use poor judgement. Instead of judgeing them and condeming them ask if we can help. Find out what led them to using poor judgement and aks if you can help. Not every thing is black and white. I once drove my child around in the car all night so she could sleep. She hadnt slept in days and being in the car soothed her so I drove and drove. I was exhausted but she slept. Then my son made a mess with his breakfast and I yelled at him. Not my shinyest moment. If someone had seen me yell they would have thought I was horrible. But My husband saw it and hugged me and cleaned up the mess and then hugged our son.
             There was a man on a plane a few years ago that hit a child who was being loud and anoing. I dont condone him hitting but most people dont go around hitting other peoples kids for no reason. He was it turnes out headed home from a buisness trip. He wasnt supposed to be on that plane . It turns out his son was in an accident and he was rushing home to make the heart wrentching decision to turn off the life support to end his childs life here on earth.While on this flight this greif stricken father had some drinks. Serving unlimited alcohol to people in a tin can thousands of feet in the air is never a good idea but it happenes everyday. In this case grief, unimaginable pain, and fear led a man to poor judgement. He hit someone elses child . Did the child deserve it no probably not.Was the parent of the child exerciseing good parenting on the plane maybe not. Was the man punished yes he was. In more ways than one he will be punished for the rest of his life.My guess is the child wont remember it if the parent doesnt keep the event present in his mind. Sometimes you have to walk a mile in someone elses shoes before you can even begin to know where their head is at.
                I guess the point im trying to make is parenting is not an easy job. Sometimes we make mistakes hopefully we learn from them and move onto new ones instead of making the same ones over and over . some parents will get most of it right some will get most of it wrong. But if you have help and support and not someone tearing you down all the time its alot easier. And know that all parents have fears where their children are concerned. If you are perfect congratulations. Im not . Im a good parent doing all I can do and then some. I want whats best for my child allways . I may not get there the same way as everyone else but when I do I know I did my best. And I want my child to know that. So please dont pretend to be my childs mama or papa. Thats my job, instead be our friend too, let my child know that we love him. remind him of times in the past that you know of that things worked out. That we were pulling for him harder than anyone. That we have problems too. Parents have struggles of there own, dreams and hopes for them selves, and just because we had kids doesnt mean we stopped being people too.Sometimes their  expectations can excede our   abilities.Sometimes giving grace is all that is needed.


                                                                                   Love, Me
              

Miss spelled words are wounderful!

Dear Friend,
               Today I was  thinking about memories. What will our kids say about us when we are gone. Will they have fond memories of us, or no memories at all. One of our families big things is spelling and grammer. I'm not the best at either. If I slow down and try I manage pretty well. But I'm never very concerned with it simply because I want to get the thought out of my head before I forget it. My husband on the other hand is borderline fanatic on spelling grammer punctuation syntax sentence structure the whole nine. When our kids were little he would pay the .05 Cents to find mistakes in our local newspaper. Apparently they feel the same way I do that Its the thought that counts. The kids always came away with lots of nickles.
                 With the advent of the internet came even more opportunity to fine error with all kinds of written publications. emails would fly back and forth between my husband and our kids with all manner of spelling mistakes. Which boggles the mind when you consider online dictionary , spellcheck and auto correct, which can lead to hilairious mistakes.
              I was thinking about one of my most famous spelling mistakes that has been used in numerous cards, emails, letters and in many conversations . My misspelling of the word wonderful. I spelled it (wounderful) , and it just sort of stuck as the way I continued to spell it over the years for fun.
    If I was kiddnapped and needed to let people in my family know it was me I could write that in a note and they would know instantly it was me . Sometimes I would get a text from one of my kids telling me they did something good in school or at work or some great news and my response would be Wounderful!.They laugh at me but I allways hope its with love. In the beginning it was just a spelling error. But I like to think it has become something much more , a memory they can look back on and think wow that was mom.That seeing the word wonderful spelled correctly would bring a smile to their faces and a little laugh. Not the most wounderful legacy but just a little thing they can tell their kids and grandkids when they ask what was grandma  like.

                                                                               Love, Me

                                                                                                             

Job loss, Ebola, Terrorists , Beheadings and a Psalm to cover them all.

Dear friend,
               Things here are going pretty good. with my husband starting a new job we are on better financial ground. Our youngest loves kindergarten. Ive been quilting and knitting. Yesterday we discovered a persimmon tree loaded with fruit in our yard that we had never seen before. Im hoping to use them to make jam! I just love jam. Then I spent several hours hulling black walnuts, washing them and putting them on a screen to dry for 2 weeks.Ive still got tomatoes cabbage and a few cucumbers in the garden.The weather will be getting colder soon so ill finish gathering that over the weekend.
               It all seems so pleasent. The fall leaves the harvest of food. This has allways been my favorite time of year, halloween, thanksgiving christmas.I even have my own season. I call it baking season. It starts around now with apples and ends after christmas. Fudge ,cookies,candy, gingerbread houses and pies. Soups and stews of all kinds become a regular in my house. Warm cozy, happy.Snug in our home away from the world until you turn on the T.V. and see americans being beheaded.
                Countries so angry and set on destruction. Killing one another bombing each other out of existance. The men who were beheaded were reporters telling a story. The story of the war the plight of the people effected, the terror in the night. The fear thousands face as they flee for there lives to what ever country will have them.fear of loseing your home takes on new meaning when it is blown up, or you are forced to abbandon it just to save you own life and those of you family.
          Then there is pestilence, disease ,drought ,wild fires.Hurricaines tornadoes tropical storms. Ebola. Ebola is a deadly disease with know cure spead through contact of bodily fluids. Once this disease takes hold in a place that is not equiped to handle it it spreads rapidily and kills fiercely.There has never been a case in the U.S. before. But last night on the news one man from liberia made his way here from africa through Bressels to texas and now hundreds are quarentined.This man was on airplanes with people that flew all over the world and our country.
                 In the west wild fires are tearing through several states. Burning down homes and destroying lives property and peolpe are being desimated by it. Firemen are working round the clock . Mean while ther familys sit at home hoping and praying that there spouses and faters and brothers come home safe .Doctores have gone to africa at great personal risk. Two have been shipped home sick but have recovered from ebola.Some of the wild fires set by arsonists have been contained. Bombing in Syiria has started by the U.S and some of it alliess trying to stop the terrorists.The cdc has sent out a tracking unit to find all the people exposed here in the U.S. to ebola.
             There are many people out there doing all they can do to help. I wondered what I can do . I can pray. And recently someone very special sent me the most amazing scripture I think I had ever read. Psalm 91. I have started to memorize it and read it out loud. It is a promise of God for protectio and safety against so many of thease things. Sometime reading my bible is comforting , sometimes its sad. sometime it gives me strength and others I find wisdom in Gods word. But this chapter and its verses are becoming my battle cry. My knowledge that God has promised safety and health and protection by angels. In this a very frightening time.So today with you dear friend I pray this prayer over the whole planet. not just those that read its words but those hiding in caves those running for there lives, for all the sick and weary the tired and scared. The brave and strong, the happy and sad,
 all of those that know God and all those who still dont.
                        Dear God Hear our crys,He who dwells in the shadow of the Most High
                                                             Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
                                                           I will say to the Lord,"My refuge and my fortress,
                                                                      My God , in whom I trust.
                                                         For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper
                                                                     And from deadly pestilence.
                                                          He will cover you with His feathers,
                                                             And under His wings you may seek refuge; His faithfullness
                                                              Is a shield and a bulwark.
                                                         
                                                            You willnot be afraid of the terror by night,
                                                                  Or of the arrow that flies by day;
                                                             Of the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
                                                            Of the destruction that lays waste at noon.
                                                               A thousand may fall at your side
                                                           And ten thousand at your right hand'
                                                                But it shall not approach you.
                                                          You will only look on with your eyes
                                                          And see the recompense of the wicked.
                                                         For you have made the Lord, my refuge,
                                                       Even the Most High you dwelling place,
                                                             No evil will befall you,
                                                          Nore will any plague come near your tent.

                                                      For He will give His angels charge concerning you,
                                                               To guard you in all your ways.
                                                      They will bear you upin their hands,
                                                      That you do notstrike yourfoot against a stone.
                                                         You will tread on the lion and the cobra.
\                                                    The young loin and the serpent you will trample down.
                                                    
                                                    " Because He has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him
                                                     I will set him securely on high, because he has known mMy name.
                                                                     He will call upon Me , and I will answer him,
                                                                      I will be with him in trouble;
                                                                   I will rescue him and honor him.
                                                          With a long life I will satisfy him
                                                            And let him see My salvation".
                                                                                                                Psalm 91

I also read a book about this Psalm By Peggy Joyce Ruth in it she breaks down each verse to tell you exactly what God is promising. I love finding new things in Gods word. When reading sometimes you can miss something so valuable. My husband and I firmly belieave all of Gods word to be true. And it seems like this psalm91 is needed so desperately by so many in the world today.
               Anyway Ill be in touch again soon. I hope this note finds you well and in good spirits. Take care.



                                                                                                     Love, Me